![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
virgovenusecc? nct? no, my fellow himbos bimbos and thembos, i'm talking nhl. since this is my current hyperfixation and i'm trying to drag as many people down with me, this is my extremely biased and uninformed hockey primer. if you actually know more about hockey than me and disagree on this shit mind your own business damn. i never claimed to be an expert, i'm just right.
basic rules of nhl hockey
- the first rule of hockey club is that there's no rules
- the second rule is that hockey boys who have been bad go in the naughty box.
- the objective, as you may be able to guess, is to use your stick to slap the puck into the net.
- no actually, hockey is really easy to watch because the rules are much less complex than say, football,
- each team has 6 players on the ice: goalie, two d men, three forwards
- you have three periods of twenty minutes each to accomplish that. if the teams are tied after the end of the last period, it goes into the overtime period, which is 5 minutes long. only 4 members play during overtime (a goalie and whoever the fuck the coach wants out there) the first team to score during overtime ends the period and wins the game. if the teams are still tied when OT finishes, it goes into a shootout
- shootout means that each team gets three penalty shots (a penalty shot means the oppposing team may not interfere with the shot and just stand back and watch except for the goalie obviously who does his best to block the shots). if both teams are still tied after theyve taken their three penalty shots it changes into sudden death shootout, so still taking penalty shots alternating between teams but whoever gets the first goal wins the game.
- reasons why bad hockey boys may be sent to the naughty (penalty box)
- when a team has a hockey boy in the naughty box, they have one less player than the opposite team. that means the opposite team has an advantage. this is called a powerplay, and its a good time for the team with the extra man to score a goal.
- both teams can have penalties at the same time, in which case the game enters 4 on 4 mode (theres's actually ten players on ice but they dont count goalies)
- a faceoff is when all the players get into position around a spot marked on the ice and the referee drops the puck into play and they battle for possession of it
- mostly centres fight for possession in faceoffs although sometimes wingers do too, and a whistle resulting in a faceoff means that dmen do sometimes too. goalies aren't allowed to participate
- moves that trigger a faceoff :
- unlike sports like basketball, hockey tends to have really low goal scores.. 4 goals in one game is a lot and the scores usually stay around 1, 2,3, goals unless one of the teams is really really bad. in that case it might make it up to 6 or 8 but it doesn't happen often and it's humiliating when it does
- also, just for fun, sometimes the coach might call the goalie off ice, leaving an empty net, so they can send an extra forward player on the ice to hopefully even out the score. this usually only happens towards the end of game when the team is feeling desperate or really cocky
- oh also helping your teammate get a goal (aka 'an assist') is almost as important as getting a goal
- okay that covers the basics
divisions, conferences, playoffs, the stanley cup
- the league is divided into two conferences and each conference is divided into two divisions
- also play rules change during the playoffs like overtime is longer and stuff but let's cross that bridge when we get there
intro to the leafs
- theres only one rule to stanning the leafs and that's KYS LEAFS STAN
- so. toronto maple leafs is one of the original six, as in the original 6 hockey teams that formed the nhl in like the early 20th century.
- they're also the most popular hockey team in the league, and the 3rd most popular sports franchise in north america (this is notable because baseball, basketball, and american football are LITERALLY 10x more popular than hockey)
- the state of the team does not matter the leafs will always have a crazy amount of fans. the toronto raptors (basketball) literally won the nba championship in 2019 and the leafs, who have not won the stanley cup since 1967, are still more popular
- yes it's true. the leafs have not won the stanley cup since 1967
- BUT ITS NOT LIKE THEY HAVENT COME CLOSE.....
- "to leaf it" an idiom meaning to blow a lead. because it's something the leafs do (often)
- in late 2000s it was mostly due to shit coaching.. in 2013/13/14 they were finally getting to a good place again and then around 2015/16 most of their veteran players got traded and they had to start rebuilding a solid team.
- right now they're on their way up.
- they're an offensive team so they focus way more on taking shots on the goal (24+ shots on goal is pretty standard for them) then they do on defending their own. luckily their main goalie (frederik anderson #33) is good as hell. most valuable player on the team we would be nowhere without him
- the Big 3
- other important players:
- currently the leafs are 3rd in their division, 6th in the eastern conference, and 13th in the league. so on track to making playoffs but definitely not as high as i want to see them. however.. theres still 4 more months of regular season so a lot can change
- here is a thread of all of the leafs' current roster's astrological charts, they're pretty insane
- stolen from this fic so it doesnt really make sense without context but like.. this is why you have to stan the leafs
basic rules of nhl hockey
- the first rule of hockey club is that there's no rules
- the second rule is that hockey boys who have been bad go in the naughty box.
- the objective, as you may be able to guess, is to use your stick to slap the puck into the net.
- no actually, hockey is really easy to watch because the rules are much less complex than say, football,
- each team has 6 players on the ice: goalie, two d men, three forwards
> goalie stays in the net to block shots, sometimes leaves if the puck is near the net and he wants to send it to his team mate. they have different gear to compensate for the fact that people are launching 6 ounce discs of hardened rubber at 170km/hr at them
> d men are the defensive line. their job is to get the puck out of their zone (area around their own net) and to help the goalie out by slowing down and getting in the way of opposing team members trying to take shots on goal
>> some hockey teams have defensive members that specialize in literally defending the rest of their team. they're referred to as goons or enforcers and they're usually massive guys and the coach will instruct them to fight/bodycheck/intimidate the opposing team into letting the forwards do their job
> the job of the forwards is to score. there are three forward positions: left wing right wing center. the positions mostly indicate from where on the ice the forward is going to try and score. however things can get really messy around the opponents goal so they really be scoring from wherever so forward positions kind of matter less.
- hockey is really rigorous because pucks move fast so you essentially spend the entire time running but with blades strapped to your feet and gear is heavy and being bodychecked against the walls of the rink hurt (except for goalies. goalies usually play the entire match on ice). players usually only are on ice for a couple minutes, before the next line comes on. your line is who is on the ice with you at the same time. these switch up often and are made to be balanced in terms of 2 defenders and 3 forwards and take into account which players have good chemistry with each other. the "first line" is the line that starts on the ice at the beginning of the game and are usually the best players> d men are the defensive line. their job is to get the puck out of their zone (area around their own net) and to help the goalie out by slowing down and getting in the way of opposing team members trying to take shots on goal
>> some hockey teams have defensive members that specialize in literally defending the rest of their team. they're referred to as goons or enforcers and they're usually massive guys and the coach will instruct them to fight/bodycheck/intimidate the opposing team into letting the forwards do their job
> the job of the forwards is to score. there are three forward positions: left wing right wing center. the positions mostly indicate from where on the ice the forward is going to try and score. however things can get really messy around the opponents goal so they really be scoring from wherever so forward positions kind of matter less.
- you have three periods of twenty minutes each to accomplish that. if the teams are tied after the end of the last period, it goes into the overtime period, which is 5 minutes long. only 4 members play during overtime (a goalie and whoever the fuck the coach wants out there) the first team to score during overtime ends the period and wins the game. if the teams are still tied when OT finishes, it goes into a shootout
- shootout means that each team gets three penalty shots (a penalty shot means the oppposing team may not interfere with the shot and just stand back and watch except for the goalie obviously who does his best to block the shots). if both teams are still tied after theyve taken their three penalty shots it changes into sudden death shootout, so still taking penalty shots alternating between teams but whoever gets the first goal wins the game.
- reasons why bad hockey boys may be sent to the naughty (penalty box)
> too many bodies: when the lines change, which happens in the middle of the game, the current line hopping out onto the bench and the new line hopping off onto the ice, the new line may not begin playing until all of the previous line is off. also if say someone dropped their stick on the ice and stepped onto the ice to retrieve it while theres already 6 players on ice, the referees will count that as too many bodies penalty and someone will be sent to the naughty box
> fighting ;) there's actually so much fighting allowed but there are rules. im not gonna go into it but like.. bodychecking someone while you're both racing after the puck is different from just skating up to someone standing there and shoving them with all your strength. head butting, hitting the goalie at all, kicking (skates have BLADES), head slashes (even with no contact), eye gouging, stabbing w stick are all big nonos. there are more but those are the most exciting
> theres a whole bunch of fighting that is allowed UNLESS one of the players gets injured. then you're in trouble. fighting with gloves on = roughing. not a big deal, maybe some minor penalties. fighting with gloves off = shits about to go down and you two are both in so much trouble right now
> other things that can send you to the naughty box: arguing with the ref, over-exaggerating a fall to try and get the other team a penalty, tripping someone with your stick, stalling the play (just fucking around and not doing anything), grabbing someone else's stick or jersey and not letting go, picking up someone else's stick and playing with two sticks, interference (bodychecking someone who isnt involved in play / getting on the ice, holding the puck with your hands (you're allowed to touch but not hold), spraying water from the bench onto officials, unsportsmanlike behavior etc
> there are definitely way more but most are rare and or boring reasons so
- what happens when you are in trouble: little bit of trouble=2 minutes sitting in the naughty boy box. more trouble=5 minutes in th naughty boy box. lots of trouble=ejected from the game for ten minutes. all the trouble=banned from several games.> fighting ;) there's actually so much fighting allowed but there are rules. im not gonna go into it but like.. bodychecking someone while you're both racing after the puck is different from just skating up to someone standing there and shoving them with all your strength. head butting, hitting the goalie at all, kicking (skates have BLADES), head slashes (even with no contact), eye gouging, stabbing w stick are all big nonos. there are more but those are the most exciting
> theres a whole bunch of fighting that is allowed UNLESS one of the players gets injured. then you're in trouble. fighting with gloves on = roughing. not a big deal, maybe some minor penalties. fighting with gloves off = shits about to go down and you two are both in so much trouble right now
> other things that can send you to the naughty box: arguing with the ref, over-exaggerating a fall to try and get the other team a penalty, tripping someone with your stick, stalling the play (just fucking around and not doing anything), grabbing someone else's stick or jersey and not letting go, picking up someone else's stick and playing with two sticks, interference (bodychecking someone who isnt involved in play / getting on the ice, holding the puck with your hands (you're allowed to touch but not hold), spraying water from the bench onto officials, unsportsmanlike behavior etc
> there are definitely way more but most are rare and or boring reasons so
- when a team has a hockey boy in the naughty box, they have one less player than the opposite team. that means the opposite team has an advantage. this is called a powerplay, and its a good time for the team with the extra man to score a goal.
- both teams can have penalties at the same time, in which case the game enters 4 on 4 mode (theres's actually ten players on ice but they dont count goalies)
- a faceoff is when all the players get into position around a spot marked on the ice and the referee drops the puck into play and they battle for possession of it
- mostly centres fight for possession in faceoffs although sometimes wingers do too, and a whistle resulting in a faceoff means that dmen do sometimes too. goalies aren't allowed to participate
- moves that trigger a faceoff :
> the start of each period
> icing: when someone sends the puck down the rink to the enemy side but there's no one on their team to receive the pass. people used to do this to stall or when they were just really bad at defense but now a referee will whistle and the puck goes out of play
> puck goes off the rink (offside)
> after a goal
> the refereee made a wrong call
> the goalie holds the puck
- a faceoff is essentially just a reset of play. sometimes players try and intentionally trigger a faceoff when things aren't working> icing: when someone sends the puck down the rink to the enemy side but there's no one on their team to receive the pass. people used to do this to stall or when they were just really bad at defense but now a referee will whistle and the puck goes out of play
> puck goes off the rink (offside)
> after a goal
> the refereee made a wrong call
> the goalie holds the puck
- unlike sports like basketball, hockey tends to have really low goal scores.. 4 goals in one game is a lot and the scores usually stay around 1, 2,3, goals unless one of the teams is really really bad. in that case it might make it up to 6 or 8 but it doesn't happen often and it's humiliating when it does
- also, just for fun, sometimes the coach might call the goalie off ice, leaving an empty net, so they can send an extra forward player on the ice to hopefully even out the score. this usually only happens towards the end of game when the team is feeling desperate or really cocky
- oh also helping your teammate get a goal (aka 'an assist') is almost as important as getting a goal
- okay that covers the basics
divisions, conferences, playoffs, the stanley cup
- the league is divided into two conferences and each conference is divided into two divisions
> east conference
>> atlantic division: boston bruins, buffalo sabres, toronto maple leafs, montreal canadiens, florida panthers, tampa bay lightning, detroit red wings, ottawa senators
>> metropolitan division: carolina hurricanes, new york islanders, new york rangers, colombus blue jackets, new jersey devils, philadelphia flyers, pittsburgh penguins, washington capitals
> west conference
>> central division: chicago blackhawks, colorado avalanche, dallas stars, minnesota wilds, nashville predators, st. louis blues, winnipeg jets
>> pacific division: anaheim ducks, los angeles kings, vegas golden knights, san jose sharks, arizona coyotes, edmonton oilers, vancouver canucks, calgary flames
- how to win the stanley cup:>> atlantic division: boston bruins, buffalo sabres, toronto maple leafs, montreal canadiens, florida panthers, tampa bay lightning, detroit red wings, ottawa senators
>> metropolitan division: carolina hurricanes, new york islanders, new york rangers, colombus blue jackets, new jersey devils, philadelphia flyers, pittsburgh penguins, washington capitals
> west conference
>> central division: chicago blackhawks, colorado avalanche, dallas stars, minnesota wilds, nashville predators, st. louis blues, winnipeg jets
>> pacific division: anaheim ducks, los angeles kings, vegas golden knights, san jose sharks, arizona coyotes, edmonton oilers, vancouver canucks, calgary flames
> make it to playoffs
>> how to make it to playoffs: in regular season (october-april) you play for points. regardless of goals scored, the team that wins gets 2 points always, and the losing team gets 0 UNLESS the game went to OT/shootout, in which case losers get 1 point.
>> during regular season you play mostly within your division and conference but you do get to play outside of them too. barring complications (ie union striking) the regular season is 82 games (41 home, 41 away).
>> these points determine your standing in your division, conference, and in the league
>> when regular season ends in april, the top three teams of each division automatically qualify for playoffs (that's 12 teams).
>> there are 4 wildcard spots left in the playoffs. these go to the top two in conference standings of the teams that havent qualified yet. (that's 4 teams)
>> since only 16 teams even qualify for playoffs out of 31 teams in the league, even qualifying is kind of big potatoes
> in playoffs you play series against the same opponent. these are best of seven of series, so you must win 4 games to win the series. if you win four in a row good for you, you dont have to play the remaining 3 games. most of the time though, series go all the way to game seven because each team is fighting too hard,
> teams that lose a series are eliminated, and you keep on playing series until the last one left standing wins the stanley cup. since series can take 7 games playoffs is intense and long (the stanley cup final usually is in june)
- there is no second and third place. you either win the stanley cup or you die>> how to make it to playoffs: in regular season (october-april) you play for points. regardless of goals scored, the team that wins gets 2 points always, and the losing team gets 0 UNLESS the game went to OT/shootout, in which case losers get 1 point.
>> during regular season you play mostly within your division and conference but you do get to play outside of them too. barring complications (ie union striking) the regular season is 82 games (41 home, 41 away).
>> these points determine your standing in your division, conference, and in the league
>> when regular season ends in april, the top three teams of each division automatically qualify for playoffs (that's 12 teams).
>> there are 4 wildcard spots left in the playoffs. these go to the top two in conference standings of the teams that havent qualified yet. (that's 4 teams)
>> since only 16 teams even qualify for playoffs out of 31 teams in the league, even qualifying is kind of big potatoes
> in playoffs you play series against the same opponent. these are best of seven of series, so you must win 4 games to win the series. if you win four in a row good for you, you dont have to play the remaining 3 games. most of the time though, series go all the way to game seven because each team is fighting too hard,
> teams that lose a series are eliminated, and you keep on playing series until the last one left standing wins the stanley cup. since series can take 7 games playoffs is intense and long (the stanley cup final usually is in june)
- also play rules change during the playoffs like overtime is longer and stuff but let's cross that bridge when we get there
intro to the leafs
- theres only one rule to stanning the leafs and that's KYS LEAFS STAN
- so. toronto maple leafs is one of the original six, as in the original 6 hockey teams that formed the nhl in like the early 20th century.
- they're also the most popular hockey team in the league, and the 3rd most popular sports franchise in north america (this is notable because baseball, basketball, and american football are LITERALLY 10x more popular than hockey)
- the state of the team does not matter the leafs will always have a crazy amount of fans. the toronto raptors (basketball) literally won the nba championship in 2019 and the leafs, who have not won the stanley cup since 1967, are still more popular
- yes it's true. the leafs have not won the stanley cup since 1967
- BUT ITS NOT LIKE THEY HAVENT COME CLOSE.....
- "to leaf it" an idiom meaning to blow a lead. because it's something the leafs do (often)
- in late 2000s it was mostly due to shit coaching.. in 2013/13/14 they were finally getting to a good place again and then around 2015/16 most of their veteran players got traded and they had to start rebuilding a solid team.
- right now they're on their way up.
- they're an offensive team so they focus way more on taking shots on the goal (24+ shots on goal is pretty standard for them) then they do on defending their own. luckily their main goalie (frederik anderson #33) is good as hell. most valuable player on the team we would be nowhere without him
- the Big 3
> the big 3 is the collective name given to the leafs' crazy good (usually) rookies. toronto spent bigggg money to get all three of them to sign 5 year contracts. the big 3 are the reason why in preseason everyone felt like the leafs might have a chance at the cup
> auston matthews (#34) - centre (alternate captain). he's a really powerful player, notably got 4 goals in his first game ever. the leafs somehow still lost that game. he's the most hyped up
> mitch marner (#16) - center?right wing? (alternate captain) we just don't know. he's MY favourite player, and he's usually leading the division if not the league in passing and assists. everyone loves to hate on him. noura's first words to me about marner: "he's so stupid i know he's stupid". and i think that's beautiful
> willy nylander (#88) - rightwing. he's a legacy player from sweden (his dad was in the nhl too) and he's a year older than mattmarns but this season he's been doing way more than mattmarns anyways.
> the three of them are all buddy buddy. especially mitch and auston
- the leafs have been.. underperforming so far. like still on track for qualifying for the playoffs, but their team work is in shambles.> auston matthews (#34) - centre (alternate captain). he's a really powerful player, notably got 4 goals in his first game ever. the leafs somehow still lost that game. he's the most hyped up
> mitch marner (#16) - center?right wing? (alternate captain) we just don't know. he's MY favourite player, and he's usually leading the division if not the league in passing and assists. everyone loves to hate on him. noura's first words to me about marner: "he's so stupid i know he's stupid". and i think that's beautiful
> willy nylander (#88) - rightwing. he's a legacy player from sweden (his dad was in the nhl too) and he's a year older than mattmarns but this season he's been doing way more than mattmarns anyways.
> the three of them are all buddy buddy. especially mitch and auston
- other important players:
> john tavares (#91) is the current captain of the leafs. he's a good evenkeeled calm player and he sat most of october out with a broken finger but now that he's back hopefully he'll calm the team down and direct them so they can do what they're good at.
> morgan reilly (#44) d-man.. he's literally the core of the leafs' defence, been on the team a while, he'll probably be captain soon
> ily mikhayev (#65) centre.. he's new to the team but he's doing really well.. better than the big 3 lately. also he loves soup and everyone seems to like them
> justin holl tyson barrie jason spezza jake muzzin kasperi kapanen alex kerfoot andreas johnsson are all also key players but i care less about them. also zach hyman is crucial part of the leafs but he's been out with a serious surgery reequiring knee surgery
- you should hate the boston bruins. because of the way divisions are and how playoff orders work, the leafs tend to face off against the bruins in game 1 a lot. and boston always takes them out. boston isnt even the best team in the league they just have an incredible knack for crushing the leafs fuck you bruins> morgan reilly (#44) d-man.. he's literally the core of the leafs' defence, been on the team a while, he'll probably be captain soon
> ily mikhayev (#65) centre.. he's new to the team but he's doing really well.. better than the big 3 lately. also he loves soup and everyone seems to like them
> justin holl tyson barrie jason spezza jake muzzin kasperi kapanen alex kerfoot andreas johnsson are all also key players but i care less about them. also zach hyman is crucial part of the leafs but he's been out with a serious surgery reequiring knee surgery
- currently the leafs are 3rd in their division, 6th in the eastern conference, and 13th in the league. so on track to making playoffs but definitely not as high as i want to see them. however.. theres still 4 more months of regular season so a lot can change
- here is a thread of all of the leafs' current roster's astrological charts, they're pretty insane
- stolen from this fic so it doesnt really make sense without context but like.. this is why you have to stan the leafs
no subject
Date: 2019-11-06 04:44 pm (UTC)ok i just wanna shout some stuff out tho, FIRST OF ALL when i said marner was stupid that was out of endearment.......... i like that guy... not as much as the rest of hockey tl obviously but i do. ALSO u didn't mention trevor moore as one of ur notable leafs but he's becoming a new fav for me... he caught my eye in last nights game and someone on tumblr (full disclosure: it was tumblr user trevormoore) called him Noted Zdeno Chara Killer which is super impressive and endearing.. also i went back to ur leafs nhlstro thread and his chart is like Fucked Up Renjun but i'll forgive it.
anyway i am looking forward 2 the sequel to this post so i can finally understand how drafts work bc i spent like half the first period last night stalking the past 5 yrs' entry drafts being like Wtf Does It All Mean